I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
