just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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