I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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