if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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