so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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