Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
