Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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