I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
