you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Terrible idea I love it
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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