we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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