I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
