I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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