I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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