That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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