do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
