How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
