You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
