do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
