Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
