dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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