Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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