Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
