You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The air was thick with penises
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
