umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
