you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
