He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
