Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
