well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
