I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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