im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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