I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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