Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
