Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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