His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize