After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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