Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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