best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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