dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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