Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
