I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
