I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
