ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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