like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
