Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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