my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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