I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I enjoy the company of your penis
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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