do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize