you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
