So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
