So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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