just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
