I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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