i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
