i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
