Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
