So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
