On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
