so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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