Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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