Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
