Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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