it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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